so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
