My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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