i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize