Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
