Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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