She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
