I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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