I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
