all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
