I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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