Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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