i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I will be naked everywhere
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
