my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My life is pants optional.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
