don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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