that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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