You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
