The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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