new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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