Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
