i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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