saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
