Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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