cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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