I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
