he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
