omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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