I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
