She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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