I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
