he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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