I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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