I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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