I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
