So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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