So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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