My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
