i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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