I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
