I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I am one with the molecules
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
