I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
