"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
