just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
