After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
