I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
