apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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