After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
