Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
