u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
organizing the empties. That sober.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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