Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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