oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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