How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
