Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
