yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
