If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
