can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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