"it" just moved
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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