My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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