with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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