sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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