Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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