The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
