Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
