Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
