can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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