in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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