I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize