Whod you bang
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
